I figured out something yesterday. I am an Israelite. I am one of those people in the desert that God saved, but still wanted more and complained about it.
That's me.
I started this blog almost a year ago to chronicle our adoption process. Well, that didn't happen because we decided to put the process on hold for awhile. So for the past year I have been writing (very irregularly lately) on random occurances in our crazy lives.
Well, now. Here we are. We are sending our adoption application off today. Now I can begin sharing with the world (aka..my three friends who read this) all of the ups and downs that come with adopting a baby.
So the Isrealite thing? How does that tie into the adoption process? Well, thanks for asking.
I have come to a somewhat peace with our infertility. I say somewhat peace, because I'm not quit sure how one can ever be fully at peace with this situation this side of heaven. So I'll stick with somewhat peace. Which is perfectly ok with me. But this is what I caught myself saying on numerous occasions over the past few weeks...."You know, if we were going to be infertile, I at least wish we would have the means to afford adoption."
See that? That's an Israelite in the desert right there. I believe how it was spoken yesterday at church was something like this...."God, if you are going to lead us out in this desert, at least give us some food and water."
Oh, those crazy Israelites. Why couldn't they see that God was in control and provided their every need?
Probably the same reason that I can't see that. I rely on myself. I see things mostly from my perspective and how I think things should be.
I guess what I need to realize is that God has led us to this place in our lives. Why, oh why, would he do that if he was not going to provide in every way for us? The answer is that he wouldn't. He will provide in His time and on His terms. I guess I just need to quit complaining...and just start doing paperwork. Lots and lots of paperwork. Oh, ther is a lot of paperwork.
Have I mentioned that adoption takes a lot of paperwork?
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Marcie, I understand about the paper work. We still are doing annual paperwork, because we deal with the state. I have a wonderful 4 year old. Who you know. I have prayed may times for God to take away the desire to have children if we are not to have anymore ... He still has not taken away the desire. In God's timing everything will work. It may seem like a long winding, roller coaster ride, but it will stop some time. (even after you have gotten sick from the ups and downs).
If God does not give a child, then love the children that He has brought into your life. They may need an extra hug (and Mommy may need a break).
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