sometimes hope seems lost...

We've had another positive water test for bacteria. That makes three. In case I haven't been clear about this whole thing, I wanted to go into more detail about it.

At our home study (2 months ago now), we handed in all the rest of our paperwork and thought we were well (no pun intended) on our way to approval. But we found out that since we are on a well and have a sceptic tank that we needed to get our water tested. And also turn in a document of our sceptic tank installation. The document was easy. The water testing....not so much.

Our initial test, tested for four things: nitrite, nitrate, total fecal (gross, I know) coliform, and total coliform. I will spare you all the boring details about the differences between all of these things. But rest assured, that I do know them after two months of studying water.

Well, we got a positive for total coliform. Basically this means that there is some sort of bacteria in our water, but they're not sure what kind it is. It could be a natural bacteria and it could not be harmful. This is what we are thinking it is because we use/drink our water and have not been sick. But the agency is still requiring a negative test. Which we really do completely understand.

So started the decontamination efforts with the bleach that I wrote about in a previous post. We have decontaminated our well twice now. And now we can chalk up three positive tests for total coliform in our water.

And also, our car just broke down. The day we got the latest water results back. Seriously. I really couldn't make this stuff up people.

My friend has called this water issue "the infertility of adoption". I think that is a pretty accurate description. Failed test, after failed test = easily discouraged about the hope of ever starting a family.

But I know what the truth is. The truth is that God does have the child for us and if it takes bacteria in our well to slow things down to lead us to that child, then that is what it takes.

I am disappointed, I am frustrated. I also trust God completely. I don't understand why difficult things happen to us, but I also don't understand why God chooses to bless us.

He is Lord of my life and I do trust Him. Even when my feelings fail me, my water has bacteria in it, my car is broken down, and I can't seem to understand His ways. He will lift my head when I can't seem to look up. He will carry me thru the waters so I will not drown. He will walk with me thru the fire so I will not get burned.

I can rejoice because He is my redeemer and I am his. Circumstances are ever changing, but my God is constant. He is not intimitaded by my circumstances, he has ordained them so that I can fully surrender to Him and learn to rest solely, quietly in His hands. When things seem out of control to me, He is fully in control.

So sometimes, if I'm honest, hope does seem lost. But the truth is, my only true hope is in Christ alone.