Surrender

I don't have any insight tonight. No profound truth that I've recently realized. I don't have a funny story or an animal resue to speak of. I don't have anything sarcastic to say. I am simply here.

I am breathing, I am resting, and I feel more at peace tonight than I have felt in a long time. I am surrendered.

It seems funny to me to say that I am surrendered. That always seems like something that I am trying to attain and yet never achieving. Almost like it's prideful to actually say it. If that makes any sense what so ever.

I left work this evening at 5:00 and listened to my voice mail. Jamie had called me with the news that our water test came back clear. Our water has been healed thanks to the Culligan man.
When I heard the message, I simply smiled and told God thank you and sat in silence for the next several minutes, just resting in His presence.

You see, I'm a little bit of an emotional roller coaster of a person. My emotions can swing back and forth really in a matter of minutes. When I have good news, I call lots of people and when I am a crying mess I also call lots of people. My life is an open book. But tonight, while I was driving home in the silence of my car, I simply grinned and thanked God.

This is a big thing for me because in doing those two things (smiling and saying thanks) I was aknowledging that He is the one whose hand is over this whole adoption process. Not that I didn't know that before, but practically speaking, there is so much paperwork, so much figuring stuff out, so much bacteria to get rid of in my water! It's easy for me to feel completely competent. To handle things and check them off my tidy little to do list. And then when they get completed to move to the next thing, thinking I handled it well. When the truth of it is, if I am surrendered and I find out bacteria is in my water, I should simply accept it and know beyond a doubt that this is also from God as much as all the good stuff. But, on the contrary, I kick and stomp my feet and wonder why He has put another burden on us.

And I know this all seems silly now, because we got good results today. But the thing is, I acknowledged Him immediatly. This is not something I regularly do. I realized that it had nothing to do with filtration systems, or bleach, or stupid total coliform. That this whole thing has just been one more circumstance that He has used to teach me to be simple in my thinking. To not analyze everything. To not be overly emotional. To simply say thank you.

To be still and know that He is God.

And that is what I am experiencing. I am surrendered tonight. I don't know what the next step will bring, but I know that my God will direct my future the same way He has my past. I don't know why I go through all the steps I do because I always end up in the same place.....resting and knowing that He will not leave my side.