sometimes hope seems lost...

We've had another positive water test for bacteria. That makes three. In case I haven't been clear about this whole thing, I wanted to go into more detail about it.

At our home study (2 months ago now), we handed in all the rest of our paperwork and thought we were well (no pun intended) on our way to approval. But we found out that since we are on a well and have a sceptic tank that we needed to get our water tested. And also turn in a document of our sceptic tank installation. The document was easy. The water testing....not so much.

Our initial test, tested for four things: nitrite, nitrate, total fecal (gross, I know) coliform, and total coliform. I will spare you all the boring details about the differences between all of these things. But rest assured, that I do know them after two months of studying water.

Well, we got a positive for total coliform. Basically this means that there is some sort of bacteria in our water, but they're not sure what kind it is. It could be a natural bacteria and it could not be harmful. This is what we are thinking it is because we use/drink our water and have not been sick. But the agency is still requiring a negative test. Which we really do completely understand.

So started the decontamination efforts with the bleach that I wrote about in a previous post. We have decontaminated our well twice now. And now we can chalk up three positive tests for total coliform in our water.

And also, our car just broke down. The day we got the latest water results back. Seriously. I really couldn't make this stuff up people.

My friend has called this water issue "the infertility of adoption". I think that is a pretty accurate description. Failed test, after failed test = easily discouraged about the hope of ever starting a family.

But I know what the truth is. The truth is that God does have the child for us and if it takes bacteria in our well to slow things down to lead us to that child, then that is what it takes.

I am disappointed, I am frustrated. I also trust God completely. I don't understand why difficult things happen to us, but I also don't understand why God chooses to bless us.

He is Lord of my life and I do trust Him. Even when my feelings fail me, my water has bacteria in it, my car is broken down, and I can't seem to understand His ways. He will lift my head when I can't seem to look up. He will carry me thru the waters so I will not drown. He will walk with me thru the fire so I will not get burned.

I can rejoice because He is my redeemer and I am his. Circumstances are ever changing, but my God is constant. He is not intimitaded by my circumstances, he has ordained them so that I can fully surrender to Him and learn to rest solely, quietly in His hands. When things seem out of control to me, He is fully in control.

So sometimes, if I'm honest, hope does seem lost. But the truth is, my only true hope is in Christ alone.

It's In the Little Things That Battles Are Lost and Won

The more and more I am trying to figure this Christian life out, the more and more God keeps showing me that it is the small things that matter most.

Which is easier, to stop and help someone in need or to hold my tongue when I have been bothered by something?

I think all of us have a natural bent towards generosity (especially if we are Christians). It is not very difficult to make someone a meal when they are sick or even to go on a foreign mission trip to help orphans in an orphanage. Who wouldn't want to go and hold babies? (Ok, so maybe that could be hard for some people.) What I'm saying is that sometimes I think we romanticize this view of service. While I am not discounting the actual act, we are called to do these things, I am questioning our hearts motive.

I think our hearts are deceiving. Well, I only think that because scripture says so. Anyway...God has really been showing me that it is in the small decisions of life that truly test a persons heart.

So what kind of heart does God desire? One that is pure in all situations.

For me, it is easy to sit and enourage someone who is having a tough time. It is much more difficult to hold my tongue when someone stops in front of me on the ramp getting onto the interstate. It is easy for me to bake cookies for someone who is celebrating a birthday. It is difficult to not try to prove my point when someone has wronged me. And I can even say for myself it is much easier for me to go on mission trips and serve than it is to show patience to my husband sometimes.

To me, it all goes back to our hearts condition. It is in the little things of life where I believe the battles are lost and won. I know God desires a humble spirit and a contrite heart. It doesn't matter if I am feeding the homeless or scrubbing the floors that my dog has gotten dirty for the 15th time this week.

A Very Special Day

Dear Jamie-

Tomorrow is your birthday. 32 years ago you were brought into this world. I didn't know it at the time, but that was a wonderful day. The day God ordained for my future husband to be born! I always find myself so thankful on this day. Thankful that you were born, thankful that you were raised the way you were, and thankful that God thought I deserved to be your wife.

This is the 9th birthday I have celebrated with you. I can't believe it's been that many! I really can't wait to share 60 more! (that would make you 92...you gotta stay around at least that long)

Happy Birthday sweet man of mine. I love you more with each passing year and I never even knew that was possible...

With all my love-

Marcie

Who wouldn't love to live with this?

We Know Real Missionaries!

For those non Northbrookers who read this blog, I wanted to let all of you know that our dear friends, the Bustrums, left yesterday morning on their way to Lisbon, Portugal.

The Bustrums have been in our small group for the last 2 years and we have gotten to know them so well. They are really more like family to all of us. The goodbye's on Sunday were bittersweet. We are sad at the hole they are leaving in our family, but we are so excited to join hands with them as they serve in Portugal.

They each have a blog which they will be updating throughout their journey. They are on their way now to Virginia for two months (and two weeks now!) worth of training, and then mid-July, possibly first of August they will be off to Portugal. They are an amazing family who have a heart for the lost. You can check on their adventure at two places: Hannah blogs at tea time and Mark blogs at hot coffee.

Please remember to be in prayer for this family as God uses them as his workers in Lisbon, Portugal!

Primal Wound.....Not For Me

I'm an adopted child.

I was given up for adoption and placed with a foster family for 6 weeks. My parents got "the call" about a little girl who was available. They were on their way the very next day to pick me up. My dad, a teacher, ran around the top of the gym in his school because he was so very excited about getting a baby girl.

That is the truth of my birth. I do not know my birthmother. It was a closed adoption and I have very little information about her.

I came across this today and I must say that it really strikes a nerve. It is a book called "Primal Wound". I do not want to say anything about the woman who wrote this because I am sure she is a very nice person. But I wholeheartily disagree with her. I have not read the book but read her position.

In this statement she says that the truth is "Every adopted child will experience abandonment and loss". Really?

Because I have to say my whole life I've felt more wanted, more loved, more support than a lot of people I know. My parents desired me. My mother and father prayed countless hours for me. (And I sorta believe this is the reason for my struggle with thinking I'm so awesome.)

I fault my biological mother none for placing me for adoption. Not. One. Single. Bit. I am so very, very grateful for her decision. I have a special place in my heart for her, even though we have never met. She gave me life.

For someone to write generalizations like this is very frustrating. I did not, do not, will not ever feel abandoned. God has a specific purpose for my life and my adoption was all a part of that plan.

I understand that not everyone's adoption story has a happy ending. There are a lot of issues in adoption. It's not always poptarts and roses. But for me, I don't believe I was abandoned, I don't believe my birth was an accident, I don't believe I could have been parented better by my birth mother. I absolutely believe I was parented by my "real" parents. And I am not in denial about that. PLEASE!

Many Mountains to Climb

We're searching
Longing to hold you in our arms
And adore you in our hearts.

There are many mountains to climb and
Sometimes we can't seem to find our way over.

We keep pushing, working, trying to make it possible to climb the mountain
But sometimes it feels we may never make it to the top.

Stumbling block after stumbling block
Seems to make our path harder
We have to move them and keep on climbing.

We know we will not stop until we reach the peak.

Then, we will be able to hold you in our arms,
let you sleep on our chest, smell your sweet baby goodness
And then we will know why there were so many mountains to climb.

They were leading us straight to you.

seriously?

We got another positive test result on our water. Looks like more waiting....

We're getting pretty good at that.