Today we begin the journey to meet the child God has for us...

As I'm sitting here this morning finishing reading the book of James, it hit me that I can't remember the last time I cried due to infertility.

James 1:2-3 says to "Consider it pure Joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance..."

Have I persevered? Am I on the other side of this suffering?

As I reflect on this, I think my answer is yes! I can't remember the last time I cried. I can't remember the last time I wished I could go look at maternity clothes. I can't remember the last time I got mad when I got my monthly visitor.

I am ok! I think that I have learned to let go. Let go of the idea of having a biological child. More importantly, I think God has shown me that His way is best.

I can't wait to add a baby to our family through adoption. I love children and always have. I thought that not being able to have them would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. But you know what? It's not.

Through this experience God has taught me so much about himself and myself. For the first time in my life, I began to understand how sinful I am and why I truly needed God to save me. Before, I went to church on Sundays and prayed sometimes when I needed something. I had no understanding of God's glory, grace, and forgiveness. I knew the bible stories and the Sunday school answers. I had asked God into my heart because I didn't want to go to hell. But I had little understanding of making him Lord of my life.

But now? Well now I realize that I am needy. I need a savior. I am sinful. My goal in life is to bring glory to God by my every attitude and action. Not just on Sundays, but day by day, minute by minute. God is my creator, the creator of this universe. He gives me my very breath. Why wouldn't I want to live under His hand, under His control, under His guidance everyday? Obviously He knows more than me!

You see, He knows the whole story and I know the now. He's had my days numbered and my life planned even before I was conceived. He is the one who has led us to this place in our lives. He is the one who is leading us to our child. Whatever avenue our children come to us from, they were designed by the Father to be raised by our family for His purpose.

We don't know what this adoption journey will be like. We can't say for sure that everything will run smoothly (but we are the Autry's so there are sure to be bumps!). But we do know that God is in control and that is all we need to know.

I can't remember the last time I cried. My heart is full of peace and a new kind of joy. It doesn't matter what this life brings, what matters is my response to the One that brings it.