As we await for our upcoming approval, I find myself having all kinds of mixed feelings.
The reality of becomming a parent is freaking me out a little. I mean, I love children, I always have. I know that God has set this path of adoption in front of us, but the reality of bringing home a baby makes me a tee bit nervous.
It's weird, because I have been desiring it for so long, and now it is becomming more real. Each step gets us closer to the day we bring our child home. And I have so many emotions already about that, I can't even imagine what it will truly be like.
It's sad to me that during our overwhelming joy, someone else will be overwhelmed by grief at the loss of their child.
I'm scared that the infant will have a hard time adjusting, being taken away from everything he/she has known for the last nine months.
I sometimes get mad that we live in a fallen world where mothers have to give up their babies and people have to deal with infertility.
I know that our lives will forever be changed, and while that is exciting, I'm a little sad at the closing of this era.
As much as this child will be ours, I have to deal with the fact that I did not give birth to him/her and that means his path will be different. He will not be able to do the science experiment in middle school where he goes home to look at his mom and dad's earlobes to see if they are attached or not and then look at his to see which genetic trait he got.
And although all of this is different than "normal", I still rejoice that God chose us to go down this path. It's hard and I know it will get harder. But I know that God will do great things in this child's life. In His providence he led mine and Jamie's hearts and lives together knowing that we would fully be open to welcome all sorts of children into our family (and dogs). In His providence he will lead us to the baby for our family. And although sometimes it's very difficult to know how to pray for this situation (praying for our future child ultimately means the circumstance of an unwanted pregnancy and painful relinquishment), I know that God in his divine providence has worked all the details out long before I took my first breath.
When my birth mom gave me up for adoption, God knew that one day I would be going through the process to add a baby to my family through the same avenue. That thought is just amazing.
So although, I do have so many different emotions, I can rest in the fact that God has his hand over every detail. He will give us the wisdom to handle what has been given to us at the time we need the wisdom (and not before!). I just pray that he keeps reminding me of that!
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5 comments:
Babies will adjust better than you realize. They just want to be loved, feed, and changed. Also, you could ask the "science" question before if you know the birth partents.
Web and I were talking about you guys last night and we are SO EXCITED for you & Jamie! The most important thing is that you are going to surround he/she with loads of love!!!
Congratulations on approval! I saw it on facebook!
just remember God doesnt give us nothing that we cant handle you will make an awesome mother and raise your baby with the same amount of love and compassion your parents raised you with, just raise the baby with lots of love and christ and youll be fine as far as sleep GOOD LUCK with that =)
Hi Marcie! Wow what a touching message! I know this will be of little help and I debated on whether or not to even post anything but decided to add my experience with your simialar emotions. First of all I think it is miraculous that you are adopting and carrying on that experince to a child. I have an 8 month old baby and during my pregnancy I was determined that I would "deliver naturally" and there was NO WAY I was going to have a C-section, however that was not the plan God had set forth for me...after 24 hours of inducing, labor and lots of prayers to make this work, it was decided that I would have to have a C-section.Emotionally I was crazy indside and I cried from the time the doctor told me through all the prep to have a C-section and during the C-section. I hated the thought of it...I felt that I was going to miss out of a "special" part in my life, one that I had dreamed of for years. I just wanted the experience of having a baby (as crazy as that sounds)keep in mind I am still crying in the delivery room but when Carson was born by being "LIFTED into the world" and I heard him cry for the first time the C-section was irrelevant at that point. I had this very precious baby whom looked at me for unconditional love, security, and all his needs. ALthough these are very different situations I realize I completely understand you emotional pull and pain. But I promise once you hold that precious baby your emotions change all over again to new worries of how to care and protect them. You also have something to offer that baby that not all adoptive parents can, you will have a special bond because of your experice and understanding of being adopted! Just trust in God he has set forth this special plan for your family. And try to focus on sleeping! :) You'll need lots of that! (he, he)I hope this helps and I am so excited for you both.
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